Today, Geocities will be closing down for good. It's a sad day because I associate Geocities with the start of the Internet for the public. It was really the first place where people hosted their own websites. Started in 1994, I think I had an account sometime in 1995, and hosted my own web page there. It was a convenient place to store files in the Internet, and in the early days of online dating it was an easy place to point people to, in order to find a picture of yours truly.
Fast forward to the present, and if you were lucky enough to check out my Geocities page today before it goes offline, you'd see I haven't updated the page since 2005. It still shows the house were were living in, when Lauren was born, and of course we've moved twice since then. So in some sense Geocities didn't keep up with me either, as I moved on to blogging, and blogging turned out to be an easier way to keep people up to date on our activities than maintaining an entire website. Kodak Gallery and other photo sites made it easier to post pictures.
All I can say is Rest In Peace Geocities.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Prop 8 Stands, But We're Still Married...
The California State Supreme Court ruled this morning that Prop 8 (the voter approved initiative that banned gay marriage) would stand, but that the 18,000+ couples that got married before the initiative took effect would stay married. While this news is disappointing, it's at least a relief to our family, that I'm spared explaining to our almost 4 year old daughter why a court could take away our marriage.
This morning while we were getting ready for school, Lauren was listening to her Story Reader, which was reading a Disney Princess book to her. While she was listening, I asked her if she wanted to get married when she was bigger, like the princess in the story. Her response was "We already got married, I don't need to get married again". Yes, we told her we were getting married, and she was a large part of our wedding, so she considers our family "married". I'll wait till she's older before I explain the distinction to her. For now, I'm content that we're still a family and we're still "married".
This morning while we were getting ready for school, Lauren was listening to her Story Reader, which was reading a Disney Princess book to her. While she was listening, I asked her if she wanted to get married when she was bigger, like the princess in the story. Her response was "We already got married, I don't need to get married again". Yes, we told her we were getting married, and she was a large part of our wedding, so she considers our family "married". I'll wait till she's older before I explain the distinction to her. For now, I'm content that we're still a family and we're still "married".
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Taxable Fringe Benefit
Most people aren't aware of this, so I thought I'd do a little write up on one of the issues that same-sex partners face with regards to health care. I work in California for a public company, which means they have to provide families like mine with the option of buying health insurance for the whole family. That means like other married opposite sex partner families, I can buy health insurance for my partner and for our daughter. California has rights for same-sex couples to make this possible.
The issue comes about because the federal government doesn't recognize same-sex partners. Because of this, when a company, like mine, contributes towards the payment of health insurance to cover my partner, it becomes a taxable fringe benefit. It gets even worse if we decide to cover my daughter under the same policy. Why is that? Her coverage no longer gets considered in the taxable fringe benefit scenario.
Let me explain this with an example. Say my company pays $300 per month for my health insurance. For me to add my daughter, the company would then pay $500 for what's called a family plan. Because she's my daughter, there's no taxable fringe benefit involved (as both the federal and state governments recognize your child as yours). But if I were to add my husband, the company would still pay $500 per month, as there's no difference between covering 1 family member or many. But the effect on my taxes is significant. The entire amount between $500 and $300 (the $200 difference) is computed as a taxable fringe benefit on my paystub. There's no allowance for the fact my daughter is also paid under this difference. What's the actual impact to the bottom line? The extra $200 shows up as extra pay, so my gross income goes up by the $200 per month, increasing the amount I owe in taxes.
Because of this discrepancy we've chosen for me to cover just my daughter and myself under my health plan, and for my husband to pay for his own because the taxable fringe benefit actually costs us more in taxes than it would for him to buy his own insurance. This is added cost over what any opposite sex partner family would have to pay for their health insurance.
If that's not enough, it gets even worse. My company uses a system called ClearBenefits, which works with ADP, a national payroll processing company. The two companies together haven't figured out how to handle domestic partnerships or same-sex marriages. Because I'm listed as having a domestic partnership/same-sex marriage, this information is automatically transferred from ClearBenefits to ADP. And because I purchase health insurance on a family plan for my daughter (but not my husband) this information (that I'm in a domestic partnership) also gets automatically transferred between ClearBenefits and ADP. The side effect of this is that ADP kept adding taxable fringe benefit (because of the domestic partnership) on my health insurance on my pay check, even though they weren't supposed to (since we weren't getting insurance for my husband, just my daughter).
I'd complain every paycheck and they'd remove it, and then it'd show up again, and I'd have to complain again. This has happened two years in a row (after each benefit selection period), and it's happened for 4 months in a row. I think this paycheck for the most recent period was one of the first I didn't have an issue, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. If you fall into this specific scenario I'm talking about, take a close look on your paystub and make sure you don't have TFB.
The issue comes about because the federal government doesn't recognize same-sex partners. Because of this, when a company, like mine, contributes towards the payment of health insurance to cover my partner, it becomes a taxable fringe benefit. It gets even worse if we decide to cover my daughter under the same policy. Why is that? Her coverage no longer gets considered in the taxable fringe benefit scenario.
Let me explain this with an example. Say my company pays $300 per month for my health insurance. For me to add my daughter, the company would then pay $500 for what's called a family plan. Because she's my daughter, there's no taxable fringe benefit involved (as both the federal and state governments recognize your child as yours). But if I were to add my husband, the company would still pay $500 per month, as there's no difference between covering 1 family member or many. But the effect on my taxes is significant. The entire amount between $500 and $300 (the $200 difference) is computed as a taxable fringe benefit on my paystub. There's no allowance for the fact my daughter is also paid under this difference. What's the actual impact to the bottom line? The extra $200 shows up as extra pay, so my gross income goes up by the $200 per month, increasing the amount I owe in taxes.
Because of this discrepancy we've chosen for me to cover just my daughter and myself under my health plan, and for my husband to pay for his own because the taxable fringe benefit actually costs us more in taxes than it would for him to buy his own insurance. This is added cost over what any opposite sex partner family would have to pay for their health insurance.
If that's not enough, it gets even worse. My company uses a system called ClearBenefits, which works with ADP, a national payroll processing company. The two companies together haven't figured out how to handle domestic partnerships or same-sex marriages. Because I'm listed as having a domestic partnership/same-sex marriage, this information is automatically transferred from ClearBenefits to ADP. And because I purchase health insurance on a family plan for my daughter (but not my husband) this information (that I'm in a domestic partnership) also gets automatically transferred between ClearBenefits and ADP. The side effect of this is that ADP kept adding taxable fringe benefit (because of the domestic partnership) on my health insurance on my pay check, even though they weren't supposed to (since we weren't getting insurance for my husband, just my daughter).
I'd complain every paycheck and they'd remove it, and then it'd show up again, and I'd have to complain again. This has happened two years in a row (after each benefit selection period), and it's happened for 4 months in a row. I think this paycheck for the most recent period was one of the first I didn't have an issue, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. If you fall into this specific scenario I'm talking about, take a close look on your paystub and make sure you don't have TFB.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Vermont Passes Gay Marriage
Wow. Wow. Wow. I guess that's all I can say. Wow. First Iowa this week, and now Vermont has legalized same sex marriage. What a week. All we need is announcement from the California Supreme Court, and I'll have had one of the best weeks ever. Today's news that the Vermont House and Senate overrode the Governor's veto on the same sex marriage bill was a surprise to me, as I had previously read that not enough House members voted for the original bill to override a promised veto from the Governor. But, five legislators changed their vote (or actually voted this time), and overrode the Governor's veto.
While this week's victories have little effect on our day to day lives right now, I know they will have significant impact over the long haul on our daughter Lauren's life. It will mean less ridicule from other kids as she gets older, it means she won't feel so different going to school, and it means more acceptance and tolerance for us as a family when we travel and even as we go about our day to day activities. Lauren may not understand what it all means now, but she will soon enough. She's lucky that right now, when some says to her "I wish I had two daddies" (this actually happened to us at Ikea!), her immediate response is "I know" in a very matter of fact way. I know we can only protect her from the real world for so long, and I'm glad the real world is getting to be a more tolerant place.
While this week's victories have little effect on our day to day lives right now, I know they will have significant impact over the long haul on our daughter Lauren's life. It will mean less ridicule from other kids as she gets older, it means she won't feel so different going to school, and it means more acceptance and tolerance for us as a family when we travel and even as we go about our day to day activities. Lauren may not understand what it all means now, but she will soon enough. She's lucky that right now, when some says to her "I wish I had two daddies" (this actually happened to us at Ikea!), her immediate response is "I know" in a very matter of fact way. I know we can only protect her from the real world for so long, and I'm glad the real world is getting to be a more tolerant place.
Friday, April 03, 2009
New Hope - Iowa, Vermont and Sweden
Iowa joined Massachusetts and Connecticut as the third state in the U.S. to allow same sex marriage after their Supreme Court struck down a decade old ban. Vermont's House and Senate voted on a gay marriage bill this week as well, sending it to Governor Jim Davis, who unfortunately has said he will veto the bill. Although not part of the U.S. there was also heartening news from Sweden where gay marriage will become legal on May 1 of this year. There was dark news as well this week, as the foes of same sex marriage already said they will seek to put a referendum to the voters of Iowa to ban same sex marriage.
Those of us in California continue to wait on the Supreme Court here to rule on the challenge to Proposition 8. The Supreme Court must make a ruling by early June. So we wait patiently keeping our fingers crossed, our hearts lightened by good news in other parts of the country and the world.
Those of us in California continue to wait on the Supreme Court here to rule on the challenge to Proposition 8. The Supreme Court must make a ruling by early June. So we wait patiently keeping our fingers crossed, our hearts lightened by good news in other parts of the country and the world.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Finding trouble with the Immigration Laws
In case you didn't see this 8asians post on outdated immigration laws affecting kids of gay parents, it's a good reminder as to why defeating Prop 8 in California was so important. Every gay family is affected by Prop 8, and having Prop 8 pass was just a reminder to the kids of gay families that their family is less important and has less rights than other families. Outdated immigration laws that split families that have been together for 23 years is the worst offense, a problem that's not solved by overturning Prop 8, but one we need to be aware of. I don't think of myself as an activist, but strangely enough today, I received an email saying everyone that blogs is an activist, so I hope this touches someone today.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Beating the Clock
When we decided to have Lauren, we knew we were fighting one variable that we wouldn't have any control over, and that was time. I was already the younger of the two of us, and I wanted to have my first child before I turned 36. I didn't quite make it, having Lauren just before I turned 38. The big reason for this battle with time was partly selfish, which is the desire to be there for all the important events in her life, her graduation from high school, college, her wedding, etc.
With my partner Lars, we always knew it would be bigger fight with time as he was already 54 when we had Lauren, but I kept telling myself, plenty of other fathers were older when they had their children, and I just didn't think about it. With Lauren turning four soon, we've been having a lot more conversations with her, and I find myself overhearing conversations Lars is having with her that surprise me.
Just the other day he said to her "I'm going to be there for you up through middle school and I'll try my best to be there for high school, but honey, I might just be in the old folks home by then." I had to stop and think about it, and I realized that by the time Lauren graduated high school Lars would be over 70 years old. For both Lauren and Lars, I hope we get to beat the clock.
With my partner Lars, we always knew it would be bigger fight with time as he was already 54 when we had Lauren, but I kept telling myself, plenty of other fathers were older when they had their children, and I just didn't think about it. With Lauren turning four soon, we've been having a lot more conversations with her, and I find myself overhearing conversations Lars is having with her that surprise me.
Just the other day he said to her "I'm going to be there for you up through middle school and I'll try my best to be there for high school, but honey, I might just be in the old folks home by then." I had to stop and think about it, and I realized that by the time Lauren graduated high school Lars would be over 70 years old. For both Lauren and Lars, I hope we get to beat the clock.
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