The Current Political Climate

I've been meaning to write about this for a while, at least since this year's election results.  I mean wow.  Just wow.  What other response can you have for this year?  I mean Barack Obama was re-elected president in a race many thought he would lose.  All the state initiatives that supported gay marriage won, and those that were in opposition to gay marriage lost.  Yesterday, both Washington and Maryland started issuing marriage licenses for gay couples.  In Maine gay couples will be allowed to marry on December 29 because of their successful vote and in Minnesota a vote for an amendment to discriminate against gay marriage failed.  Today, the Supreme Court has agreed to hear cases on Proposition 8 in California and on DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act).  While many would have preferred that they decline to hear the Prop 8 case (thereby invalidating Prop 8 and allowing for gay marriage in California), it's still just another step forward.

As many of having been hailing it, this has been the year for marriage equality.  So many thanks to all of you who voted for equality.  I thank you and my family thanks you.

The New Normal

There's a lot of things I used to believe I wouldn't see in my lifetime.  Things that have happened in my lifetime.  As a child growing up in the 70's I never thought I would see the Berlin Wall fall, the U.S.S.R. dissolve, being openly gay in the military, an African American becoming president, and gay marriage (at least for a short time in California).  This week, a new show premieres on NBC, called "The New Normal", a show about a gay couple that want to have a child through surrogacy.  For those of you that may not have seen it, this isn't the first attempt to put surrogacy on prime time.  Ming Na starred in a very short-lived series called "Inconceivable", a medical drama about a surrogacy firm, that helped gay couples become parents (patterned after the surrogacy firm we used).

"The New Normal" is supposed to be a comedy, which doesn't at first glance seem to bode well for such a serious topic.  And the surprise here, for me anyway, is that the topic is the experience I've tried to document in this blog, about the process of becoming a parent as a gay couple.  I was a little taken aback at how lightly  some of the very serious topics were played in the pilot episode.  It was a very heart wrenching process for us, to select an egg donor, and to have it played as joke just seemed wrong.  I think also the Ellen Barkin character while, she does show how bigoted, homophobic, and racist people can be, isn't as funny as they want her to be, and I found too many of the scenes contrived just to show her as bigoted, homophobic or racist.

But the good news is by the second episode, they were able to breathe a little bit of life into the characters. They're still a little single dimensional, but it's improving, and I might actually like some of them by the third or fourth episode.  The challenge will be to keep a mainstream audience interested for that long.

But as I said when I started this blog article, there are certain things I didn't think I'd see in my lifetime.  A show that actually shows what I went through in my life to become a parent was certainly one of them.

Why be a parent?

As a gay man, I'm often asked why I would even want to be a parent in the first place.  For me it's a simple answer.  Something deep down inside me always knew I would be a parent.  Partly it might have something to do with my cultural upbringing, but it was also innate, a part of me that I couldn't deny.  After having our daughter it proved so true, that I couldn't have imagined a life without becoming a parent.  That feeling was really hard to describe and explain, until I read this piece on Quora this week, "Why Do Some Humans Not Want Children?".  Jonathan Brill, the author explains exactly why you shouldn't become a parent, but then explains all this is why he is a parent and how he wouldn't change it for the world.  That's exactly the way I feel about my daughter too!

Update: One Bank Gets It - Wells Fargo

After running into roadblock after roadblock on trying refinance our home in the post 2010 IRS tax publication 555 ruling, my mortgage broker finally came back with good news. It turns out Wells Fargo is much more progressive than other banks, and one alternative we have to refinance our house. It's sad because I've already spent close to $1,000 on refinance costs with another bank that I won't recoup if we have to switch banks to complete our refinance.

But here's the good news, in a letter Wells Fargo sent out to their loan agents:

The IRS mandated effective with 2010 1040 returns that registered domestic partners must each report half the combined community income earned by the partners.

If you have a W2 wage earner borrower and the his/her domestic partner is not on the subject loan in order to use all of the W2 wages the borrower earned then the following documentation is required.

· Borrower’s 2010 1040 that supports 50% of W2 wages claimed and notation on the 1040 domestic partner claimed other 50% wages (If borrower has filed 2011, which I would be surprised as of this date, should include those along with the 2010).

· Operations will need to obtain the W2 from the IRS using the 4506-t in order to validate matches the W2 statement provided by the borrower.

· Operations still obtains the tax transcript and that should always match the 1040 (no difference in process with this step).

At least one bank gets it.

The Effect of Publication 555 from the IRS

The right wing often claims that gays get equal rights with laws around domestic partnership and civil unions, and they don't need marriage for equality. I've been battling a side effect of domestic partnership and civil unions laws which are supposed to take the place of being able to get married, and provide me with equal protection. But unfortunately of course they don't.

In particular the problem I'm facing is a side effect of Publication 555 from the IRS which I've written about before. I'm trying to refinance our primary home this month to take advantage of the low interest rates. But I'm running into an issue because of the way our 2010 tax returns look due to Publication 555 from the IRS. While its intent was good, in trying to make taxes look similar to what married couples have to do, it had the by-product of also making my income "look" smaller, essentially disqualifying me for a refinance. Married couples don't have this issue because they get to file their taxes using the category "married filing separately", a category that domestic partners aren't allowed to use.

It's an additional problem for us because we have our home titled in a trust. We do it this way because it's the only way to reduce the tax consequence of passing on a home if one of us should pass away. But due to marriage laws, only one of us is allowed to be named on the trust, unlike married couples where both parties can be on a living trust. So for us, I'm on the trust, and my domestic partner is the beneficiary. This way if I die first, my partner gets the property and the tax savings, and if he passes away first, then nothing changes and beneficiary of the trust becomes our daughter. But using a trust means the mortgage and property are only titled in my name rather than both of us. So doing a refinance in both our names to alleviate the 2010 reduced income tax return issue isn't really an option either.

Basically you're screwed financially if you can't get married, at least in trying to reduce your interest rate in a refi, and trying to get lower taxes on inheritance through a trust. Gay people can't have it both ways, while married people can.