It seems like it's been forever since we've gone out without our princess Lauren, for just a parents night out. It's probably been at least two years. We still haven't found anyone to be a good babysitter for us (although I have to admit we also haven't tried that hard). Lauren's daycare in the past has run parent's night out, where staff from the daycare run an evening babysitting service. It's been a long time since they've done it, and back when they did do it, Lauren was still too new to the daycare for it to work well with her stranger anxiety.
So when the daycare finally posted a sign before Valentine's day for a parent's night out on February 20th, we just ignored it. But to our surprise, Lauren asked what the sign said, so we read the sign to her and explained it was a night for kids to stay at the daycare while the parents went out to see a movie or have dinner. Her immediate reaction was "Let's do that!". So we agreed and she went to parent's night out last night.
To my surprise, Lars had already planned the evening for us. A nice dinner in Santana Row, followed by dinner at the Cinearts theater. We went to see "Milk" and it was much more touching and beautiful a movie than I expected. Both of us shed tears near the end even though we both knew what the outcome of the movie was. We also both learned a lot about that time period that neither of us was aware of us and showed us what truly remarkable person Harvey Milk was.
When we got to the daycare to pick Lauren up, she was awake still and really happy. She had a great time, so we know we'll be doing this again the next time they have a parent's night out.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
A Buddhist/Chinese/American Funeral
I'm writing this partly to help anyone who is wondering what one does when a Chinese/Buddhist parent passes away, and for the future, if and when Lauren may need to bury me. I don't want her to have to go through all the pain and difficulty I had to, in order to plan a respectful burial for my dad and my mom. I spent this past week making arrangements for my own mom, Lauren's grandmother, and I'll talk about the arrangements relative to what we did for my mom. My mom was a practicing Buddhist, and a Taiwanese immigrant to the United States.
She passed away at 9:05 AM, with me by her side. We already had a Buddhist chant box by her side, as we had placed it there a few days earlier as a comfort to her. The chant box you get should be one that chants the phrase "Na Mo Ah Mi Tuo Fo". If you can only find one that chants "Ah Mi Tuo Fo" that should suffice as well. Because she passed away at home (as did my dad), we were able to keep the body intact and did not move either of them for the requisite 8 hours. (If you have a nurse or health aide available, have them bathe and clean the deceased, if not have the funeral home do it later.) During the 8 hours, we had Buddhist monks and sisters chanting "Na Mo Ah Mi Tuo Fo" along with the chant box (once again, "Ah Mi Tuo Fo" is sufficient if that's all you have). The people chanting will need to sit on either side of the deceased, no one should be sitting at the foot or the head of the bed.
In addition, if you haven't already prepared for this, you'll need to send someone one out to a Buddhist temple to procure a burial blanket or burial blanket kit. The blanket is typically white edged with a gold/yellow center that has been embroidered with lotus blossoms and possibly other symbols of good luck (including a swastika - a symbol used by Buddhists for good luck well before it was used for evil). A kit may also include a pillow case and a white sheet. The pillow case will go below the head the white sheet below the body (give the white sheet to the funeral home to place below the body, you do not move or touch the body during this time).
The eldest son or daughter (if there is no son), should cover the body with the Buddhist blanket. It should be the gift of the child to the deceased. Chanting should continue to go on while this occurs. Throughout the chanting, family members should go up to the deceased and let them know it's okay for them to go with Buddha, that's okay for them to depart the human world, that everything is okay with them, that the deceased no longer needs to worry or care for them in this world.
Typically family members take turns chanting, as you will tire easily from this task, we took turns every 2 hours. Also make arrangements with the funeral home to pick up the deceased after 8 hours has passed.
When the staff of the funeral home comes to pick up your loved one, make sure they know how the Buddhist blanket and pieces (if you have the kit) need to go with the body. Also request the chant box stay with the deceased and go with them. During the time the funeral home moves the deceased out of the home/hospital/location of death, you should not be watching them do so, make sure you step out of the room and ask that they let you know once they have moved the deceased to their vehicle.
Funeral Arrangements
The next step is to make the funeral arrangements for the deceased. Typically, Chinese do not like the idea of embalming, although it is becoming more popular, as Chinese become more westernized. Like my parents, I prefer not to be embalmed. There's a lot to do to prepare for a Buddhist/Chinese/Western funeral.
At the funeral home, you'll need to request no embalming if appropriate. You'll also need to drop off the clothing (don't forget shoes and socks) of the deceased, that you'd like them to be wearing. When you do this, you need to request that they not cut the clothing, as it's tradition for Western funeral homes to cut the clothing along the back to make it easier for them to dress the deceased. This is a no-no in Chinese culture as the deceased needs the clothing intact for their travel to the next world. You should bring along with the clothing, any personal effects the deceased might need (eyeglasses, dentures, anything special you'd like them to have for their trip to the next world). In addition you should bring 3 grains of rice to placed on the tongue of the deceased. This is symbolic, and lets the deceased have food for their travels.
You'll need to select a date for the service. You may also want a visitation period. Because there is no embalming, visitation will probably be short, and can even be scheduled for the hour or two before the service. You may also want to have a closed casket depending on the appearance of the deceased. If the funeral is more than 5-7 days after the loved one has passed, you will probably need a closed casket visitation and service anyway because of the state of the deceased. If this is the case, make sure you schedule a private visitation in the first few days so that you and any other close relatives get to say a private goodbye (this visitation also lets you check up on the funeral home that they have the deceased dressed as you wish and that they remembered to put the Buddhist funeral blanket and accessories on your loved one in the casket.
You will also need to schedule a date for the burial. Chinese typically do not like cremation as they believe they need their body for the afterlife, although as burial becomes more and more expensive, they are beginning to opt for cremation. Note to Lauren, I've already got a burial plot next to your Grandma and Grandpa. The burial can take place immediately after the service, and is probably more convenient if you can schedule it that way.
Finally you'll need to schedule either a lunch or dinner as appropriate to the time of the service and burial, to invite attendees of the service. You need to treat your relatives and friends to a last meal in honor of the deceased. Typically this is at a Chinese restaurant. If you want to adhere to Buddhist traditions, this should also be a vegetarian meal.
Preparation
Things you will need to prepare for the service and burial:
First, call everyone who needs to know about the service and let them know date and time, and estimate how many will attend.
If you know 30 are coming you may want to prepare 50 of the following (make up your own numbers as appropriate):
White envelopes containing a piece of hard candy and a nickel - Each person entering the service should be given a white envelope. The candy is to sweeten the bitterness of their loss.
Red envelopes containing a quarter - Each person departing the service should be given a red envelope. This money should be spent on the way home from the funeral, and is for good luck, as the person has just attended a funeral, which is generally considered bad luck. (Note: the white envelope/red envelope tradition comes from the Cantonese, but I really liked the idea and incorporated it into both my parent's services).
I also prepared inserts in the programs explaining the envelopes as well as the Buddhist portion of the service.
During the visitation if it occurs before the service, you'll need to make sure there are two altars prepared in front of the casket. The main altar (the larger one) should have a Buddha centered (and elevated) with an incense box in front. You'll need to bring three bowls of food for offering to Buddha (one rice, two vegetable dishes) and a plate of 5 oranges (4 square with a fifth stacked on top), and three cups of water. You'll also need a white pillar candle on the altar. The smaller altar should be to the left of the main altar, and should have what's called a "pai(2) wei(4)". It's a white tablet with the deceased's name on it in Chinese with the Chinese word "pai wei" underneath. The food offering on this table should be one dish (rice and vegetable), one orange on a plate and one cup of water. There should be an incense box on this altar as well.
Get another chant box and have the chanting occur in the background during the visitation. Family members (children, brothers, sisters) should wear black arm bands on the right arm. Grandchildren should wear blue arm bands on the right arm. Some Chinese believe Grandchildren should also wear a sprig of juniper (we didn't adhere to this for my parents). Great-grandchildren wear a band of light blue.
You'll also need to order a wreath of flowers to honor the deceased. The one from the children go to the right of the casket.
Funeral Day
Allow anyone who would like to make an incense offering to Buddha and then the deceased can do so during the visitation. Have the white candle lit before the visitation, so it can be used to light the incense for offering and of course make sure you bring incense to use) A large photo of the deceased should be placed to the left of the casket (more important if this is a closed casket ceremony).
You'll need someone to officiate the service preferably someone not related to the deceased (this is a Chinese superstition, and considers it bad luck for family members to officiate).
You'll need to find a Buddhist monk/sister to lead a Buddhist prayer at the service. It's generally easier to start with the Buddhist part of the service, and ask the Buddhist monk/sister for a 35 minute to 40 minute chant/prayer service for the deceased. Let the officiant introduce the Buddhist monk/sister and announce that the Western portion will follow the Buddhist ceremony. Invite everyone to chant with the Buddhists.
Have the officiant welcome everyone to the Western portion of the service. Introduce anyone who is going to read a poem or play music etc. The eldest son/daughter should then give the first eulogy, and then invite anyone else who would like to speak to do so.
The Burial Ceremony
After everyone has spoken, the pallbearers should take their place and help move the casket to the hearse. Make sure you have prepared red envelopes for the pallbearers with $5 to $10 in each envelope. This is lucky money to offset their bad luck at being pallbearers. For each vehicle in the procession behind the hearse, make sure each vehicle also has a red envelope with $5 inside.
When you are at the burial ceremony, you can speak, but there's generally little spoken in a Chinese burial. I chose a poem to read at my mom's burial. Typically the funeral home will also ask pallbearers to discard their gloves and flowers if they were given them on the casket. Before the casket is lowered, everyone should turn away, as it's bad luck to watch it being lowered. Afterwards, family members can remove their armbands and drop them on top of the casket. They can also place flowers if they wish on top of the casket.
Before the immediate family leaves the burial make sure each brother, sister, and child of the family receives a care package. The care package should contain a flashlight, a knife (swiss army knife or steak knife will suffice - buy new ones in package for this), a sprig of juniper and rock candy (regular candy if you can't find rock candy). A note should be attached that explains the flashlight is for when the family member goes home. They should place the turned on flashlight outside the front door and step over the flashlight upon first entering their home after the funeral. This symbolizes lighting their way out of darkness. The knife is symbolic and represents severing the pain of loss. The sprig of juniper is a symbol of evergreen, and the candy is to sweeten the bitterness of loss.
The Family Meal
Everyone can now proceed to or if it's later, meet up at the meal to honor the deceased. If it's early enough, then later the same day (otherwise do this the next day), you need to take the "pai wei" and some joss paper you've purchased at a local Chinese market and burn the "pai wei" and the joss paper. You should say a prayer to the deceased and let them know the joss paper (pretend money) is money for the deceased in the afterlife.
49 days after the deceased has passed away, you should visit a Buddhist temple and pray for the deceased and honor him/her.
That's it. There's a lot to do/remember, which is why I wrote it all down. It's considered bad luck to do this, but I figure if I don't Lauren will never know.
She passed away at 9:05 AM, with me by her side. We already had a Buddhist chant box by her side, as we had placed it there a few days earlier as a comfort to her. The chant box you get should be one that chants the phrase "Na Mo Ah Mi Tuo Fo". If you can only find one that chants "Ah Mi Tuo Fo" that should suffice as well. Because she passed away at home (as did my dad), we were able to keep the body intact and did not move either of them for the requisite 8 hours. (If you have a nurse or health aide available, have them bathe and clean the deceased, if not have the funeral home do it later.) During the 8 hours, we had Buddhist monks and sisters chanting "Na Mo Ah Mi Tuo Fo" along with the chant box (once again, "Ah Mi Tuo Fo" is sufficient if that's all you have). The people chanting will need to sit on either side of the deceased, no one should be sitting at the foot or the head of the bed.
In addition, if you haven't already prepared for this, you'll need to send someone one out to a Buddhist temple to procure a burial blanket or burial blanket kit. The blanket is typically white edged with a gold/yellow center that has been embroidered with lotus blossoms and possibly other symbols of good luck (including a swastika - a symbol used by Buddhists for good luck well before it was used for evil). A kit may also include a pillow case and a white sheet. The pillow case will go below the head the white sheet below the body (give the white sheet to the funeral home to place below the body, you do not move or touch the body during this time).
The eldest son or daughter (if there is no son), should cover the body with the Buddhist blanket. It should be the gift of the child to the deceased. Chanting should continue to go on while this occurs. Throughout the chanting, family members should go up to the deceased and let them know it's okay for them to go with Buddha, that's okay for them to depart the human world, that everything is okay with them, that the deceased no longer needs to worry or care for them in this world.
Typically family members take turns chanting, as you will tire easily from this task, we took turns every 2 hours. Also make arrangements with the funeral home to pick up the deceased after 8 hours has passed.
When the staff of the funeral home comes to pick up your loved one, make sure they know how the Buddhist blanket and pieces (if you have the kit) need to go with the body. Also request the chant box stay with the deceased and go with them. During the time the funeral home moves the deceased out of the home/hospital/location of death, you should not be watching them do so, make sure you step out of the room and ask that they let you know once they have moved the deceased to their vehicle.
Funeral Arrangements
The next step is to make the funeral arrangements for the deceased. Typically, Chinese do not like the idea of embalming, although it is becoming more popular, as Chinese become more westernized. Like my parents, I prefer not to be embalmed. There's a lot to do to prepare for a Buddhist/Chinese/Western funeral.
At the funeral home, you'll need to request no embalming if appropriate. You'll also need to drop off the clothing (don't forget shoes and socks) of the deceased, that you'd like them to be wearing. When you do this, you need to request that they not cut the clothing, as it's tradition for Western funeral homes to cut the clothing along the back to make it easier for them to dress the deceased. This is a no-no in Chinese culture as the deceased needs the clothing intact for their travel to the next world. You should bring along with the clothing, any personal effects the deceased might need (eyeglasses, dentures, anything special you'd like them to have for their trip to the next world). In addition you should bring 3 grains of rice to placed on the tongue of the deceased. This is symbolic, and lets the deceased have food for their travels.
You'll need to select a date for the service. You may also want a visitation period. Because there is no embalming, visitation will probably be short, and can even be scheduled for the hour or two before the service. You may also want to have a closed casket depending on the appearance of the deceased. If the funeral is more than 5-7 days after the loved one has passed, you will probably need a closed casket visitation and service anyway because of the state of the deceased. If this is the case, make sure you schedule a private visitation in the first few days so that you and any other close relatives get to say a private goodbye (this visitation also lets you check up on the funeral home that they have the deceased dressed as you wish and that they remembered to put the Buddhist funeral blanket and accessories on your loved one in the casket.
You will also need to schedule a date for the burial. Chinese typically do not like cremation as they believe they need their body for the afterlife, although as burial becomes more and more expensive, they are beginning to opt for cremation. Note to Lauren, I've already got a burial plot next to your Grandma and Grandpa. The burial can take place immediately after the service, and is probably more convenient if you can schedule it that way.
Finally you'll need to schedule either a lunch or dinner as appropriate to the time of the service and burial, to invite attendees of the service. You need to treat your relatives and friends to a last meal in honor of the deceased. Typically this is at a Chinese restaurant. If you want to adhere to Buddhist traditions, this should also be a vegetarian meal.
Preparation
Things you will need to prepare for the service and burial:
First, call everyone who needs to know about the service and let them know date and time, and estimate how many will attend.
If you know 30 are coming you may want to prepare 50 of the following (make up your own numbers as appropriate):
White envelopes containing a piece of hard candy and a nickel - Each person entering the service should be given a white envelope. The candy is to sweeten the bitterness of their loss.
Red envelopes containing a quarter - Each person departing the service should be given a red envelope. This money should be spent on the way home from the funeral, and is for good luck, as the person has just attended a funeral, which is generally considered bad luck. (Note: the white envelope/red envelope tradition comes from the Cantonese, but I really liked the idea and incorporated it into both my parent's services).
I also prepared inserts in the programs explaining the envelopes as well as the Buddhist portion of the service.
During the visitation if it occurs before the service, you'll need to make sure there are two altars prepared in front of the casket. The main altar (the larger one) should have a Buddha centered (and elevated) with an incense box in front. You'll need to bring three bowls of food for offering to Buddha (one rice, two vegetable dishes) and a plate of 5 oranges (4 square with a fifth stacked on top), and three cups of water. You'll also need a white pillar candle on the altar. The smaller altar should be to the left of the main altar, and should have what's called a "pai(2) wei(4)". It's a white tablet with the deceased's name on it in Chinese with the Chinese word "pai wei" underneath. The food offering on this table should be one dish (rice and vegetable), one orange on a plate and one cup of water. There should be an incense box on this altar as well.
Get another chant box and have the chanting occur in the background during the visitation. Family members (children, brothers, sisters) should wear black arm bands on the right arm. Grandchildren should wear blue arm bands on the right arm. Some Chinese believe Grandchildren should also wear a sprig of juniper (we didn't adhere to this for my parents). Great-grandchildren wear a band of light blue.
You'll also need to order a wreath of flowers to honor the deceased. The one from the children go to the right of the casket.
Funeral Day
Allow anyone who would like to make an incense offering to Buddha and then the deceased can do so during the visitation. Have the white candle lit before the visitation, so it can be used to light the incense for offering and of course make sure you bring incense to use) A large photo of the deceased should be placed to the left of the casket (more important if this is a closed casket ceremony).
You'll need someone to officiate the service preferably someone not related to the deceased (this is a Chinese superstition, and considers it bad luck for family members to officiate).
You'll need to find a Buddhist monk/sister to lead a Buddhist prayer at the service. It's generally easier to start with the Buddhist part of the service, and ask the Buddhist monk/sister for a 35 minute to 40 minute chant/prayer service for the deceased. Let the officiant introduce the Buddhist monk/sister and announce that the Western portion will follow the Buddhist ceremony. Invite everyone to chant with the Buddhists.
Have the officiant welcome everyone to the Western portion of the service. Introduce anyone who is going to read a poem or play music etc. The eldest son/daughter should then give the first eulogy, and then invite anyone else who would like to speak to do so.
The Burial Ceremony
After everyone has spoken, the pallbearers should take their place and help move the casket to the hearse. Make sure you have prepared red envelopes for the pallbearers with $5 to $10 in each envelope. This is lucky money to offset their bad luck at being pallbearers. For each vehicle in the procession behind the hearse, make sure each vehicle also has a red envelope with $5 inside.
When you are at the burial ceremony, you can speak, but there's generally little spoken in a Chinese burial. I chose a poem to read at my mom's burial. Typically the funeral home will also ask pallbearers to discard their gloves and flowers if they were given them on the casket. Before the casket is lowered, everyone should turn away, as it's bad luck to watch it being lowered. Afterwards, family members can remove their armbands and drop them on top of the casket. They can also place flowers if they wish on top of the casket.
Before the immediate family leaves the burial make sure each brother, sister, and child of the family receives a care package. The care package should contain a flashlight, a knife (swiss army knife or steak knife will suffice - buy new ones in package for this), a sprig of juniper and rock candy (regular candy if you can't find rock candy). A note should be attached that explains the flashlight is for when the family member goes home. They should place the turned on flashlight outside the front door and step over the flashlight upon first entering their home after the funeral. This symbolizes lighting their way out of darkness. The knife is symbolic and represents severing the pain of loss. The sprig of juniper is a symbol of evergreen, and the candy is to sweeten the bitterness of loss.
The Family Meal
Everyone can now proceed to or if it's later, meet up at the meal to honor the deceased. If it's early enough, then later the same day (otherwise do this the next day), you need to take the "pai wei" and some joss paper you've purchased at a local Chinese market and burn the "pai wei" and the joss paper. You should say a prayer to the deceased and let them know the joss paper (pretend money) is money for the deceased in the afterlife.
49 days after the deceased has passed away, you should visit a Buddhist temple and pray for the deceased and honor him/her.
That's it. There's a lot to do/remember, which is why I wrote it all down. It's considered bad luck to do this, but I figure if I don't Lauren will never know.
The Day After
It's the day after my mom's funeral. The sun is shining and it's partly cloudy. The weather gives no hint of the activities yesterday. It was a long day yesterday. I woke up early to be at the funeral home before anyone else got there, and still my cousin was already there waiting for me when I arrived.
I didn't feel as if I had done all that much, yet by the end of the day yesterday I was completely exhausted by the day's events. I think I expected to feel differently as if some huge burden would be lifted by my shoulders by having completed all the necessary duties to my mother. But instead I felt the opposite. I felt a heavy weight tugging on my soul, and found it difficult to take each step.
I thought with my exhaustion, it would be easy to fall asleep, but instead I tossed and turned most of the night. I've been told to take it one day at a time, and parts of it will get better and parts of it won't. I've also been told to remember a little bit of my mom each day, so I never forget. Both good pieces of advice that are hard to take in with her passing so recent.
I didn't feel as if I had done all that much, yet by the end of the day yesterday I was completely exhausted by the day's events. I think I expected to feel differently as if some huge burden would be lifted by my shoulders by having completed all the necessary duties to my mother. But instead I felt the opposite. I felt a heavy weight tugging on my soul, and found it difficult to take each step.
I thought with my exhaustion, it would be easy to fall asleep, but instead I tossed and turned most of the night. I've been told to take it one day at a time, and parts of it will get better and parts of it won't. I've also been told to remember a little bit of my mom each day, so I never forget. Both good pieces of advice that are hard to take in with her passing so recent.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
In flux
I'm sitting by mom's bedside, knowing she's going to leave us any day now. She gets weaker each day, and she eats practically nothing. Right now she's sleeping, but having outbursts every few minutes that make no sense. I have a feeling she's having some nightmares, but there's little I can do for her. I've already given her a dose of her pain medication and shifted her body again to prevent bedsores. I ask her whenever she is awake, if there's anything she needs or anything we can do to make her more comfortable, but there rarely is.
So I sit at her bedside and contemplate her life, my life and Lauren's life. The past, the present and the future. In the background the oxygen generator hums away, lulling me into deeper thoughts of where I am today and where I'm going tomorrow.
We (my husband, daughter and I) live in a house that we bought so that my mom could live comfortably with us after my dad passed away. Somehow I thought this house would be the "ONE", the "ONE" that we lived in until it was our time. The "ONE" that Lauren would grow up in. But as we get closer to my mom's time to go, I think each of us views this house in different ways, and neither of us really see living in it much longer after my mom is gone. Sometimes I worry my mom's cancer is driving us apart, and although I know this to be partly true, I also have faith in how much we mean to each other and that we'll make it through this together.
So that brings me back to the house, and sitting in a room in a house that I know we will probably leave soon, and I can't help thinking it will be hard enough on Lauren to lose her Grandmother, and I wonder how hard it will be on her to have to move out of this house, the one she does know, the one with the room she calls her own. And I'm back to thoughts of why we think we need to leave this house, and who that will benefit. Logically I know Lauren's small enough, that when she's bigger she'll never remember this house, but I also can imagine how difficult a move will be for her now. And watching pain is something I've seen enough of already.
So I sit at her bedside and contemplate her life, my life and Lauren's life. The past, the present and the future. In the background the oxygen generator hums away, lulling me into deeper thoughts of where I am today and where I'm going tomorrow.
We (my husband, daughter and I) live in a house that we bought so that my mom could live comfortably with us after my dad passed away. Somehow I thought this house would be the "ONE", the "ONE" that we lived in until it was our time. The "ONE" that Lauren would grow up in. But as we get closer to my mom's time to go, I think each of us views this house in different ways, and neither of us really see living in it much longer after my mom is gone. Sometimes I worry my mom's cancer is driving us apart, and although I know this to be partly true, I also have faith in how much we mean to each other and that we'll make it through this together.
So that brings me back to the house, and sitting in a room in a house that I know we will probably leave soon, and I can't help thinking it will be hard enough on Lauren to lose her Grandmother, and I wonder how hard it will be on her to have to move out of this house, the one she does know, the one with the room she calls her own. And I'm back to thoughts of why we think we need to leave this house, and who that will benefit. Logically I know Lauren's small enough, that when she's bigger she'll never remember this house, but I also can imagine how difficult a move will be for her now. And watching pain is something I've seen enough of already.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sitting in a drug store
My mother was released from the hospital today, to go home and start hospice care. It was a tough decision to decide to start hospice, as it meant deciding that there were no other aggressive treatments to pursue against the breast cancer she has been battling for the last 12 years.
An ambulance transport brought her home and we got her settled comfortably in a hospital bed provided by hospice. My sister came over to help out and then it was time for me to go to the drug store to pick up all the medicines my mother had been prescribed by the doctor upon discharge.
Normally you'd think going to the drug store and picking up a prescription would be no big deal. Most of us do it either regularly or when we have a cold or the flu. For me, it's no different. But this particular trip would turn out to be an exception. For starters my mom was given 10 different prescriptions upon the leaving the hospital. I was sure that alone qualified for a volume discount. But I was undeterred and went off to the drug store and dropped off the prescriptions where I was told they would be ready in 35 minutes.
I went off and shopped for other things I knew we needed, like flexible straws (a necessity for someone who is bed-ridden and can't really eat). 35 minutes passed and I went back to the pharmacy desk. No, it wasn't ready yet. Undeterred I went on and paid for the few things I had already picked up, put them in the car and went back to the pharmacy waiting area and sat down. I waited 15 more minutes before inquiring again, no still not ready. At this point sitting in the pharmacy waiting area, I started to have strange thoughts. Somehow it came to me that I was in a drug store waiting on a pharmacy when my dad passed away. I hadn't thought of that since his funeral. At that point I just prayed that I wouldn't be in a drug store waiting on a pharmacy when my mom passed away.
In total I waited almost 2 hours before getting the medications, because of a problem in one of the prescribed medications. The dosage prescribed wasn't available and the pharmacist had to consult with the doctor to get a different strength prescribed. I kept the hospice nurse waiting, and only to find out I didn't need to go to the drug store at all, as the hospice service could have provided all the drugs we had been prescribed by the doctor. Luckily, my mom was oblivious to my entire wild goose chase. At home she was resting comfortably when I returned.
An ambulance transport brought her home and we got her settled comfortably in a hospital bed provided by hospice. My sister came over to help out and then it was time for me to go to the drug store to pick up all the medicines my mother had been prescribed by the doctor upon discharge.
Normally you'd think going to the drug store and picking up a prescription would be no big deal. Most of us do it either regularly or when we have a cold or the flu. For me, it's no different. But this particular trip would turn out to be an exception. For starters my mom was given 10 different prescriptions upon the leaving the hospital. I was sure that alone qualified for a volume discount. But I was undeterred and went off to the drug store and dropped off the prescriptions where I was told they would be ready in 35 minutes.
I went off and shopped for other things I knew we needed, like flexible straws (a necessity for someone who is bed-ridden and can't really eat). 35 minutes passed and I went back to the pharmacy desk. No, it wasn't ready yet. Undeterred I went on and paid for the few things I had already picked up, put them in the car and went back to the pharmacy waiting area and sat down. I waited 15 more minutes before inquiring again, no still not ready. At this point sitting in the pharmacy waiting area, I started to have strange thoughts. Somehow it came to me that I was in a drug store waiting on a pharmacy when my dad passed away. I hadn't thought of that since his funeral. At that point I just prayed that I wouldn't be in a drug store waiting on a pharmacy when my mom passed away.
In total I waited almost 2 hours before getting the medications, because of a problem in one of the prescribed medications. The dosage prescribed wasn't available and the pharmacist had to consult with the doctor to get a different strength prescribed. I kept the hospice nurse waiting, and only to find out I didn't need to go to the drug store at all, as the hospice service could have provided all the drugs we had been prescribed by the doctor. Luckily, my mom was oblivious to my entire wild goose chase. At home she was resting comfortably when I returned.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The fine line between love, honor, duty, and sacrifice
I lost my dad to cancer almost 3 years ago. Our daughter Lauren was only 9 months old at the time, and of course could not comprehend the loss, nor did she understand why her daddy was so upset. Today Lauren is three and half years old and very cognizant of her world. She's grown up in a household with two parents and a grandparent, my mom.
I find myself making tough choices today as the doctors tell me they want to release my mom from the hospital tomorrow, so she can go home and rest comfortably before breast cancer takes her away from me and from her granddaughter. My mom has been battling breast cancer for almost 12 years, so it's no surprise to us that this day would be coming. But it's so much harder for me with my mom than it was with my dad. My dad made all his own choices and I think that made it much easier on us kids. My mom, who was always the strong one in our family, wants us kids to make the decisions for her.
How does one live with a decision that may prolong life, but may cause more pain and suffering, or the opposite a decision that may take life away too soon? How do you make sure a loved one is truly comfortable in their final hours, and can you truly be sure these will be their final hours? And then there's that question that I'm dreading to hear, and that's the one from my daughter Lauren asking where her grandmother is, when she's gone.
Out of three kids my dad asked me to be the decision maker for my mom when the time came. He knew her time was short as well. He thought my youngest sibling would be too emotional and my older sibling too analytical and cold. He thought I would be the level headed one and make the right choice. I guess that's been my role through out my life. I find myself playing a mediator, a decision maker, and dutiful son tonight. I tell myself there can be no wrong choice, knowing I will doubt whether I've made the right decisions for many years to come.
I find myself making tough choices today as the doctors tell me they want to release my mom from the hospital tomorrow, so she can go home and rest comfortably before breast cancer takes her away from me and from her granddaughter. My mom has been battling breast cancer for almost 12 years, so it's no surprise to us that this day would be coming. But it's so much harder for me with my mom than it was with my dad. My dad made all his own choices and I think that made it much easier on us kids. My mom, who was always the strong one in our family, wants us kids to make the decisions for her.
How does one live with a decision that may prolong life, but may cause more pain and suffering, or the opposite a decision that may take life away too soon? How do you make sure a loved one is truly comfortable in their final hours, and can you truly be sure these will be their final hours? And then there's that question that I'm dreading to hear, and that's the one from my daughter Lauren asking where her grandmother is, when she's gone.
Out of three kids my dad asked me to be the decision maker for my mom when the time came. He knew her time was short as well. He thought my youngest sibling would be too emotional and my older sibling too analytical and cold. He thought I would be the level headed one and make the right choice. I guess that's been my role through out my life. I find myself playing a mediator, a decision maker, and dutiful son tonight. I tell myself there can be no wrong choice, knowing I will doubt whether I've made the right decisions for many years to come.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Disappointment, but the dream lives on
Today's election results are disappointing. Proposition 8 looks like it's going to pass, although there's a glimmer of hope, however faint that as of yet uncounted absentee and provisional ballots may push it to defeat.
So yes if you ask me what I think about the results this morning, I'm disappointed. But I also look at this very realistically. We had the opportunity of a lifetime. Never in my life before this year did I think that gay marriage was going to happen in my lifetime, much like the Berlin wall coming down, or the USSR dissolving, or an African American becoming president. Yet all these things happened, and I'm glad and proud to have witnessed all of them in my lifetime.
I wouldn't have changed anything we've done. Our marriage was one of the most precious things we could have done and I'm so glad our daughter Lauren was a part of it and she made such an impression on us. So as I've told some of my friends, being able to get get married was icing on the cake for us. Our marriage was about us, getting to state our love to each other and to our daughter, reaffirming our family, and we held our marriage with just ourselves and two friends as witnesses. Sure, we had a party later, but the wedding was private, affecting only us, and no one else.
So, if you ask me about Proposition 8, yes, I'm disappointed, but I'm glad we were part of this past year of gay marriage, and we'll continue to dream on about a world where equality prevails. It may seem like something that won't happen in our lifetime, but as we've lived to see, anything's possible.
So yes if you ask me what I think about the results this morning, I'm disappointed. But I also look at this very realistically. We had the opportunity of a lifetime. Never in my life before this year did I think that gay marriage was going to happen in my lifetime, much like the Berlin wall coming down, or the USSR dissolving, or an African American becoming president. Yet all these things happened, and I'm glad and proud to have witnessed all of them in my lifetime.
I wouldn't have changed anything we've done. Our marriage was one of the most precious things we could have done and I'm so glad our daughter Lauren was a part of it and she made such an impression on us. So as I've told some of my friends, being able to get get married was icing on the cake for us. Our marriage was about us, getting to state our love to each other and to our daughter, reaffirming our family, and we held our marriage with just ourselves and two friends as witnesses. Sure, we had a party later, but the wedding was private, affecting only us, and no one else.
So, if you ask me about Proposition 8, yes, I'm disappointed, but I'm glad we were part of this past year of gay marriage, and we'll continue to dream on about a world where equality prevails. It may seem like something that won't happen in our lifetime, but as we've lived to see, anything's possible.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Our Wedding
We've spent the last few weeks planning our wedding. Actually Lars did most of the planning and arranging, the only part I had was making sure Lauren looked like a princess. She's been so excited, telling everyone that her daddy and papa were getting married.
We decided we wanted a small ceremony, as this was really our day. We're getting married for us (including Lauren) and not for anyone else or for any political reason. So at first we thought we'd just go to the county building and get an appointment for a civil ceremony. We got our license, but it turned out the date we wanted (August 8, 2008) was also wanted by every other Asian or Asian influenced couple, so they were already over-booked.
We looked for alternatives, and ended up going back to where we registered our domestic partnership before Lauren was born. An eclectic lady, who ran a post office box/notary/wedding chapel service ended up being our choice for minister and wedding location. At first we thought it would just be us and Lauren, but then we realized we also needed witnesses for our wedding license. Lars called up long time friends of his to come and join us for our wedding. They agreed, and asked if they too could get married at the same time. Immediately we had plans for a double wedding.
The day of the wedding, we all got dressed up, and were going to meet our friends Steve and Colin at their hotel. While we were there getting ready to go, Lars surprised us all by having a limo pull up and take us to the wedding venue.
During the ceremony Lauren surprised us by taking both our hands to complete a circle between us, when the minister asked us to join hands. It was so touching it brought Colin to tears.
After both ceremonies, the limo took us to the nicest steakhouse in town for a celebration dinner. Everyone was so nice and congratulatory during the evening it truly made us feel wonderful and thankful for our community and our family.
So now we're married, and Lauren's family is one legally too!
We decided we wanted a small ceremony, as this was really our day. We're getting married for us (including Lauren) and not for anyone else or for any political reason. So at first we thought we'd just go to the county building and get an appointment for a civil ceremony. We got our license, but it turned out the date we wanted (August 8, 2008) was also wanted by every other Asian or Asian influenced couple, so they were already over-booked.
We looked for alternatives, and ended up going back to where we registered our domestic partnership before Lauren was born. An eclectic lady, who ran a post office box/notary/wedding chapel service ended up being our choice for minister and wedding location. At first we thought it would just be us and Lauren, but then we realized we also needed witnesses for our wedding license. Lars called up long time friends of his to come and join us for our wedding. They agreed, and asked if they too could get married at the same time. Immediately we had plans for a double wedding.
The day of the wedding, we all got dressed up, and were going to meet our friends Steve and Colin at their hotel. While we were there getting ready to go, Lars surprised us all by having a limo pull up and take us to the wedding venue.
During the ceremony Lauren surprised us by taking both our hands to complete a circle between us, when the minister asked us to join hands. It was so touching it brought Colin to tears.
After both ceremonies, the limo took us to the nicest steakhouse in town for a celebration dinner. Everyone was so nice and congratulatory during the evening it truly made us feel wonderful and thankful for our community and our family.
So now we're married, and Lauren's family is one legally too!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Marriage in California!
This morning, the California State Supreme Court gave the nod to gay marriage. Today, Lauren is almost three years old (she'll turn three on July 13th). Today, my partner asked me to marry him. Today we really do get to be a family.
I didn't think I'd be this emotional today. It's a surprise to me I that I welled up and started to cry when I read the announcement, and cried some more when my partner called to ask me to marry him.
We're not going to have a big wedding, and in fact it may not be more than 10 people, but it'll be our wedding and that's what counts. Lauren will always be able to say her family counted too.
I didn't think I'd be this emotional today. It's a surprise to me I that I welled up and started to cry when I read the announcement, and cried some more when my partner called to ask me to marry him.
We're not going to have a big wedding, and in fact it may not be more than 10 people, but it'll be our wedding and that's what counts. Lauren will always be able to say her family counted too.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Little Girl Update
It's been almost 17 months since our baby girl was born. I figured it was time to give everyone an update. Lauren's been an amazing little baby. She's inquisitive, smart and beautiful, and yes, I guess I'm prejudiced since I'm her dad! She's been ahead of the curve for most activities. She started walking at 10 months!
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Its a girl!
But you knew that already from all the previous posts. Our little girl decided she was going to rest a while, so after she was late in coming, the doctor decided to induce labor on July 13. So Lauren joined us on the 13th of July, 2005 at 4:21 PM. She weighed 7lbs 10oz at birth and was 20.5 inches. Since then she's continued to do well, and today has a healthy appetite, and has begun to fill out her features.
Lauren's kept us up a few nights, so I apologize this has taken so long to make it to the web page. Pics (if you haven't gotten them in email) are forthcoming soon linked from this page.
Lauren's kept us up a few nights, so I apologize this has taken so long to make it to the web page. Pics (if you haven't gotten them in email) are forthcoming soon linked from this page.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
The Home Stretch
We're hitting the home stretch. Our baby is due any day now. We had a few false alarms, as our surrogate PB called to say she had gone into the doctor's because of pain in her back (that's how her previous labor started with her 2nd child).
PB is dilated to 2cm at this point and she's had irregular contraction patterns. The doctor tells us this means it could be as much as week or as little as a day before the baby comes.
So we just sit in anticipation and jump every time the phone rings!
PB is dilated to 2cm at this point and she's had irregular contraction patterns. The doctor tells us this means it could be as much as week or as little as a day before the baby comes.
So we just sit in anticipation and jump every time the phone rings!
Monday, May 23, 2005
Surprise Guest
LH and I had a great time at the retreat in Los Angeles this past weekend. We got to spend time with other intended parents in various stages of the surrogacy process. We attended workshops around issues in surrogacy, as well as a baby care class.
PB, our surrogate got to attend special classes for surrogates as well. She is continuing to do well, as is the baby. During the group dinner on Saturday, we had some special surprise guests.
It turns out that NBC is starting a new show this fall based loosely on Growing Generations called "Inconceivable." Three of the stars of the show, including Ming-Na star of "ER" and the "The Joy Luck Club" was on handing doing first hand research of gay couples, surrogates, and surrogacy process. It was a nice surprise for an already great weekend.
PB also chose to surprise us that weekend by getting a 3D/4D ultrasound of our baby to be. That was a really nice touch that we certainly didn't expect!
PB, our surrogate got to attend special classes for surrogates as well. She is continuing to do well, as is the baby. During the group dinner on Saturday, we had some special surprise guests.
It turns out that NBC is starting a new show this fall based loosely on Growing Generations called "Inconceivable." Three of the stars of the show, including Ming-Na star of "ER" and the "The Joy Luck Club" was on handing doing first hand research of gay couples, surrogates, and surrogacy process. It was a nice surprise for an already great weekend.
PB also chose to surprise us that weekend by getting a 3D/4D ultrasound of our baby to be. That was a really nice touch that we certainly didn't expect!
Letting everyone know
I needed to let everyone in my family know that LH and I were about to have a little baby girl (pretty soon it was going to be self-evident, and it's certainly easier to let everyone know in advance!).
I decided I was going to tell everyone in my family about our impending arrival using my family blog site. I have readers from my family from all over the world on that site, so it was a very public acknowledgement of our pregnancy and how we accomplished it.
I thought I'd share my post here on this site as well:
And Life Goes On ...
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone
Well, I've been needing to write this blog entry for some time now. And as the date gets closer, there's really no avoiding it at this point. So let me start by saying I've got some incredibly good news and I'm sure this will be a surprise to many of you.
M..., A..., D..., C..., J..., and A..., are all about to have a new little cousin. She (yes, she) is scheduled to join us on July 8, 2005. She will be born under the year of the rooster, Chinese year 4702. Her element will be wood.
First a little bit about people born in the year of the Rooster. People born in the Year of the Rooster are very loyal individuals. They do not like dishonesty or mockery of any sort. They are blunt, up front and honest people and expect those around them to be the same. Roosters are happiest when they are surrounded by others, at a party or just a social gathering. They even enjoy the spotlight and will exhibit their charisma and wit in a minute. This star quality can be overbearing, for a Rooster expects you to listen to her while she speaks and can become agitated if you don’t. Roosters do have a tendency to brag about themselves and their achievements and demand an attentive audience when doing so.
For those born under the wood element, this Rooster is different in that she enjoys being a part of the team rather than in the spotlight like other Roosters. She likes the company of others and is a genuine friend. These Roosters work for the betterment of society, working diligently to change the evils of it. They expect quality attempts from others involved with the causes and sometimes expect too much of their co-volunteers, as they do of themselves. Often, because of this desire to help society, these Roosters overcommit themselves, unable to finish what they’ve started.
Now onto news about the bundle of joy about to join us. From the ultrasound that we just had performed on March 18th, she is very healthy. All of her vital signs, measurements and activity shows a healthy, normal baby underway. She's on target to be delivered on July 8, 2005.
How this happened I'm sure is on the top of your list of questions. She is (and will always be) my biological daughter. She is planned and most definitely wanted. The activity around my becoming a father started in the beginning of 2004. Her biological mother is an anonymous egg donor, and she's being carried to term by a surrogate mother. I have pictures of the ultrasound just performed, as well as one from early in the pregnancy.
We have lots of donated supplies already from M... and M..., since M... has outgrown a lot of her clothes, and baby items. So really, not much is needed, so don't go out of your way to get anything. She will have lots and will be quite loved!
I decided I was going to tell everyone in my family about our impending arrival using my family blog site. I have readers from my family from all over the world on that site, so it was a very public acknowledgement of our pregnancy and how we accomplished it.
I thought I'd share my post here on this site as well:
And Life Goes On ...
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone
Well, I've been needing to write this blog entry for some time now. And as the date gets closer, there's really no avoiding it at this point. So let me start by saying I've got some incredibly good news and I'm sure this will be a surprise to many of you.
M..., A..., D..., C..., J..., and A..., are all about to have a new little cousin. She (yes, she) is scheduled to join us on July 8, 2005. She will be born under the year of the rooster, Chinese year 4702. Her element will be wood.
First a little bit about people born in the year of the Rooster. People born in the Year of the Rooster are very loyal individuals. They do not like dishonesty or mockery of any sort. They are blunt, up front and honest people and expect those around them to be the same. Roosters are happiest when they are surrounded by others, at a party or just a social gathering. They even enjoy the spotlight and will exhibit their charisma and wit in a minute. This star quality can be overbearing, for a Rooster expects you to listen to her while she speaks and can become agitated if you don’t. Roosters do have a tendency to brag about themselves and their achievements and demand an attentive audience when doing so.
For those born under the wood element, this Rooster is different in that she enjoys being a part of the team rather than in the spotlight like other Roosters. She likes the company of others and is a genuine friend. These Roosters work for the betterment of society, working diligently to change the evils of it. They expect quality attempts from others involved with the causes and sometimes expect too much of their co-volunteers, as they do of themselves. Often, because of this desire to help society, these Roosters overcommit themselves, unable to finish what they’ve started.
Now onto news about the bundle of joy about to join us. From the ultrasound that we just had performed on March 18th, she is very healthy. All of her vital signs, measurements and activity shows a healthy, normal baby underway. She's on target to be delivered on July 8, 2005.
How this happened I'm sure is on the top of your list of questions. She is (and will always be) my biological daughter. She is planned and most definitely wanted. The activity around my becoming a father started in the beginning of 2004. Her biological mother is an anonymous egg donor, and she's being carried to term by a surrogate mother. I have pictures of the ultrasound just performed, as well as one from early in the pregnancy.
We have lots of donated supplies already from M... and M..., since M... has outgrown a lot of her clothes, and baby items. So really, not much is needed, so don't go out of your way to get anything. She will have lots and will be quite loved!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Retreat
All has been going well with our surrogate PB over the last few weeks. She's had regular doctor's appointments and all the checkups have been good. There was a little concern since the baby hadn't yet shifted into delivery position (she was breech) until about a week ago, and she finally moved herself to the right position.
This weekend coming up, LH and I will be off to Los Angeles for a retreat that Growing Generations is hosting for Intended Parents and Surrogates. It's filled with various activities, including a parenting class that we've signed up for. PB will also be going, and it'll be nice to see her this far into the pregnancy.
This weekend coming up, LH and I will be off to Los Angeles for a retreat that Growing Generations is hosting for Intended Parents and Surrogates. It's filled with various activities, including a parenting class that we've signed up for. PB will also be going, and it'll be nice to see her this far into the pregnancy.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Ultrasound
LH and I drove down to the souther Central Valley again this past weekend for the Ultrasound appointment on March 18. The ultrasound was truly an incredible experience. I had no idea they were able to find out so much from an ultrasound. They were able to see all four chambers of the heart, verify they were normal size, verify that the blood flow in and out of the heart were good. The technician also checked the umbilical cord and the blood flow in and out of the cord. She also measured the baby's head, arm bone and femur, and verified they were normal, and that the baby is on target for size and growth. She also checked the spine to verify there was no strange curvature. She also checked for a cleft palate (which there is none).
Overall our baby is very healthy with no signs of problems. And of course the important one. So cover up your monitor if you don't want to know. There's a 95% certainty we're going to have a baby girl! Our little daughter to be will certainly be a very lucky and loved little baby.
We got ultrasound printouts of the baby for the baby scrapbook. After the appointment we got our tour of the birthing facilities at the hospital. They have birthing suites where the baby stays with the family after she's born. This is similar to my sister's hospital, when my niece was born last year. Apparently this is the latest trend in birthing centers.
As we did last time we went out to dinner with PB and her husband and their kids, and had a great time. PB's kids are wonderful!
We now have a little under 4 months remaining until the birth, so there's not much left for us to do other than wait. PB's got the tough job, as she continues to take her prenatal vitamins, and gets her checkups. The due date hasn't moved and is still scheduled for July 8, 2005.
Overall our baby is very healthy with no signs of problems. And of course the important one. So cover up your monitor if you don't want to know. There's a 95% certainty we're going to have a baby girl! Our little daughter to be will certainly be a very lucky and loved little baby.
We got ultrasound printouts of the baby for the baby scrapbook. After the appointment we got our tour of the birthing facilities at the hospital. They have birthing suites where the baby stays with the family after she's born. This is similar to my sister's hospital, when my niece was born last year. Apparently this is the latest trend in birthing centers.
As we did last time we went out to dinner with PB and her husband and their kids, and had a great time. PB's kids are wonderful!
We now have a little under 4 months remaining until the birth, so there's not much left for us to do other than wait. PB's got the tough job, as she continues to take her prenatal vitamins, and gets her checkups. The due date hasn't moved and is still scheduled for July 8, 2005.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Heartbeat!
Our roadtrip down to the southern Central Valley was uneventful. We arrived in plenty of time at PB's house and went with her to the ob/gyn. At the doctor's office we got to hear the baby's heartbeat. An incredible sound that just fills you with emotion. The doctor informed us that everything was good, and the baby was healthy and the pregnancy was proceeding well.
We scheduled the ultrasound for March 18th. I talked with Erica at GG and she's going to schedule a hospital walk through on the same date to let LH and I get familiarized with the hospital and the services it has to offer.
On the sad news front, LH's mom passed away this past week, so I've been sort of remiss at posting, as we've been busy with family matters.
We scheduled the ultrasound for March 18th. I talked with Erica at GG and she's going to schedule a hospital walk through on the same date to let LH and I get familiarized with the hospital and the services it has to offer.
On the sad news front, LH's mom passed away this past week, so I've been sort of remiss at posting, as we've been busy with family matters.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Planning for a roadtrip
We're getting further along in our planning for the doctor's visit with PB next weekend. We've agreed to meet at her home and go to the doctor from there. It'll be our first time to meet the ob/gyn. We're going to spend the weekend down in the Central Valley since we'll be down that way, and we're going to take PB and her husband to dinner that evening. More after our roadtrip!
Friday, January 21, 2005
Going on a doctor's visit
Well, PB is off the hormone treatments now and we have a stable pregnancy. YEAH! At this point everything continues to go extremely well, and nothing but good news from all the doctor's appointments that PB has had so far. Her ob/gyn has expressed an interest in meeting us, so we're planning on going on her next appointment in February.
In addition the doctor's office is offering a "sneak peak" video package of the baby. I haven't had time to sit down and read the pamphlet yet for all the details, but the idea is to get a video of the ultrasound watching the baby move around, before it's born.
We'd also really like to go to the next ultrasound which according to Erica from GG, is around the 20th week. That's the ultrasound which will give us an idea hopefully of the sex of the baby. Then we can really get the baby room ready.
I've been doing more organization, more cleanup and more donating of things to charity to get the room ready, but I'm still not at a point where it's the baby room, so lots more work to go.
One of LH's coworkers has offered to hold a shower for us, and that means registering for the baby as well. It just seem like a difficult thing to do without knowing the sex of the baby!
My sister has already given us a bunch of things including a bassinet, baby swing, and an infant car seat, plus some clothes that my niece never wore, but has already outgrown.
I still sometimes can't believe we're having a baby this year! I'm sure it will really sink in when I'm holding the baby in July! I'm also planning on enrolling in some classes at Kaiser that are on newborn care.
In addition the doctor's office is offering a "sneak peak" video package of the baby. I haven't had time to sit down and read the pamphlet yet for all the details, but the idea is to get a video of the ultrasound watching the baby move around, before it's born.
We'd also really like to go to the next ultrasound which according to Erica from GG, is around the 20th week. That's the ultrasound which will give us an idea hopefully of the sex of the baby. Then we can really get the baby room ready.
I've been doing more organization, more cleanup and more donating of things to charity to get the room ready, but I'm still not at a point where it's the baby room, so lots more work to go.
One of LH's coworkers has offered to hold a shower for us, and that means registering for the baby as well. It just seem like a difficult thing to do without knowing the sex of the baby!
My sister has already given us a bunch of things including a bassinet, baby swing, and an infant car seat, plus some clothes that my niece never wore, but has already outgrown.
I still sometimes can't believe we're having a baby this year! I'm sure it will really sink in when I'm holding the baby in July! I'm also planning on enrolling in some classes at Kaiser that are on newborn care.
Monday, January 03, 2005
New Year
I've been a little remiss in posting to this site with updates. But that's mostly because there's been little news to report. Everything continues to go smoothly. We got a call from Anita, a nurse at CFP late last week to tell us PB's latest appointment continued to indicate no problems, and they were going to switch her to a new hormone treatement as the one they were using (with needles) was causing her to have sore hips. Only two more weeks to go on the hormone therapy before the first trimester is over and we're out of the danger zone, and we can pretty sure we've got a successful pregnancy. I can't wait!
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