Finding trouble with the Immigration Laws

In case you didn't see this 8asians post on outdated immigration laws affecting kids of gay parents, it's a good reminder as to why defeating Prop 8 in California was so important. Every gay family is affected by Prop 8, and having Prop 8 pass was just a reminder to the kids of gay families that their family is less important and has less rights than other families. Outdated immigration laws that split families that have been together for 23 years is the worst offense, a problem that's not solved by overturning Prop 8, but one we need to be aware of. I don't think of myself as an activist, but strangely enough today, I received an email saying everyone that blogs is an activist, so I hope this touches someone today.

Beating the Clock

When we decided to have Lauren, we knew we were fighting one variable that we wouldn't have any control over, and that was time. I was already the younger of the two of us, and I wanted to have my first child before I turned 36. I didn't quite make it, having Lauren just before I turned 38. The big reason for this battle with time was partly selfish, which is the desire to be there for all the important events in her life, her graduation from high school, college, her wedding, etc.

With my partner Lars, we always knew it would be bigger fight with time as he was already 54 when we had Lauren, but I kept telling myself, plenty of other fathers were older when they had their children, and I just didn't think about it. With Lauren turning four soon, we've been having a lot more conversations with her, and I find myself overhearing conversations Lars is having with her that surprise me.

Just the other day he said to her "I'm going to be there for you up through middle school and I'll try my best to be there for high school, but honey, I might just be in the old folks home by then." I had to stop and think about it, and I realized that by the time Lauren graduated high school Lars would be over 70 years old. For both Lauren and Lars, I hope we get to beat the clock.

Finding Religion

My parents each had their own religion. My mom was a practicing Buddhist and my dad would profess to anyone who would listen that he was Catholic. As for attending church or temple, as a family we rarely did either. My dad made a few attempts when we were really young, but we never asked to go, and he never really pushed it. On the other hand, my mom made a yearly pilgrimage to the temple in Chinatown (a good 2-3 hour drive away), and took us with her, but even then a yearly visit, doesn't instill much religious belief in a child.

Fast forward 35 plus years and I've got a child of my own. While I grew up with minimal religion, I know it's not something I want for my own daughter. Strangely enough I was just reading an article in the Mercury News saying that more Americans say they have no religion.

While I think it's important that Lauren understands that there are different religions and learns to respect others views, I also want to make sure she isn't trying to assimilate different religions, and get left with no belief like I was as a child. I want religion and faith to be there to comfort her in the difficult times.

The question then is how to balance those desires. This last year we've been to Buddhist temple quite a bit, and we've also started going to a United Church of Christ. As a family I know we'll continue to go to UCC for services, but how much do I expose her to Buddhism, without adversely affecting her developing faith in Christ? I certainly don't want her to lose out on her culture and heritage, of which Buddhism plays an important part, yet I want to make sure religion is there for her when she needs it.

Supreme Court Date

Today's the day that oral arguments were presented to the California Supreme Court on the issue of Prop 8, the ballot initiative that took away the right to marry from same sex couples. Initial reports from the San Jose Mercury News didn't sound good. Their interpretation of the judges responses and questions made it sound like they may be leaning towards upholding the ban that Prop 8 introduced. The good news is that the Mercury News also felt they were leaning towards allowing the existing marriages to stand.

But as with anything in life, there's no certainty of the outcome until the California Supreme Court actually issues its ruling. They have 90 days to make their decision. I'm sure many couples like ours will be holding our breath until the decision is made. It's been a roller coaster ride for us since Prop 8 passed, making us wonder if our marriage would be invalidated. I can't even imagine having a discussion with our daughter explaining that our marriage, that she participated in was dissolved by mean spirited people who really didn't understand the issue as one of family and love. Keep your fingers crossed.